There is no right or wrong way to grieve!

WHAT IS GRIEF?

"Grief occurs whenever an attachment is broken. Grief is triggered whenever you must leave behind someone, something, a function, a way of life, a dream, or anything else you've become attached to and do not want to live without." - Amy Florian.

You will experience grief if any of the following are triggered or in transition.

GRIEF TRIGGERS

1. Material: loss of a physical object, personal and/or sentimental possession, or familiar surroundings
2. Relationship: partial or complete loss of a human or animal relationship
3. Intrapsychic: loss of a dream, whether the focus of the dream is oneself or others
4. Functional: temporary or permanent loss of a physical, cognitive, or mental capability
5. Role: loss of one’s customary identity or “place” in a family structure, work organization, faith center or other setting
6. Routines: loss of the familiar structure in one’s life 
7. Systematic: loss of faith in an entire system

GRIEVING STYLES

Intuitive: experiencing grief more in your heart than your head.

• Likely to express and talk through your grief
• Likely to process and tell their your story repeatedly
• Likely to journal
• Likely to seek out support groups or others with similar situations
• Likely to ask:
• Who can emotionally understand and advise me?
• Who can I talk to about my feelings?
• How can I process this so I don’t hurt so much?
• What books can I read so I know I am not alone?

Instrumental: experiencing grief more in your head than your heart.

• Likely to face facts
• Likely to take action
• Likely to remain objective and analyze the experience
• Likely to go at it alone and seek individual counseling
• Likely to ask:
• What concrete actions do I need to take to get through this?
• How can I manage my grief and move on?
• How can I keep my emotions in check so they don’t hold me back?
• What can I read to help me learn how to cope?

Through studies, women tend to be intuitive grievers and men tend to be instrumental grievers. Make no assumptions, men can be extremely intuitive grievers while women can be strongly instrumental grievers. Knowing your grieving style can help tremendously with your coping and healing methods.

Learn more about these topics in Amy Florian's book, A FRIEND INDEED: HELP THOSE YOU LOVE WHEN THEY NEED IT MOST

• Give yourself some grace. You deserve some slack.
• Grief is overwhelming. Surviving is more than enough. Focusing on the future is extremely hard. You are allowed to focus on today, the next 5 minutes, or the next 5 seconds.
• Reading books on grief and loss really helped me understand grief, society, healing, and my feelings. It's safe to say that grief books helped me validate my thoughts and feelings. They make you feel a lot less crazy! (I have book recommendations under the BOOKS tab)
• Write in a journal or two - I keep one for myself and my feelings, and one dedicated to Keith so I can share my days with him too. Journaling is a great way to channel your grief and sit with your emotions.
• Join the grief community and find others who are experiencing similar. We learn and grow through connectedness. 
• Professional counseling can be extremely beneficial. I have a 3 session rule - if I don't feel comfortable after 3 sessions, it's time to try another counselor. This is your time and your life, you have the choice for change. 
• Find meet up groups around your area or attend a grief conference specific to your loss. I attended Camp Widow and have nothing but amazing things to say about my trip.
• Add a "HOW TO HELP" or "TO DO" list on your fridge for guests to chose what they can help with, without having to ask you how they can help. 
• Allow yourself to feel what you're feeling. No one can invalidate your feelings. What you're feeling is real and raw. Allow yourself to sit with those emotions.
• Try to ignore societies pressures to "move on". We never move on but we slowly learn how to move forward. Society is uncomfortable with your grief, don't allow them to make you uncomfortable with it too. This is your grief, on your time. You deserve to be selfish in grief.
• Finding something creative, artistic or active is very therapeutic! Grounding yourself, getting some vitamin D on your skin and embracing the clean air is healthy!
• You can talk about your loved one WHENEVER YOU WANT!
• Save a worn piece of clothing to always have their smell. I like using ziploc bags to hold the smell!
• Let your friends know when you feel uncomfortable with something they did or said. Honest and open feedback helps both sides. If they are willing to learn how to support you, they will appreciate any direction you give them. We all grieve differently by similar, let them know what helps/hurts you the most.
• Ask for help when you need it. Your family, friends and grief community want to help. They are waiting to help!
• You have time to make big decisions. You do not need to make any decisions you don't have to make. You have time. This is your timeline and your journey, you don't need to follow the stipulations/expectations of others.
• You don't need to give away your loved one's articles of clothing, things, assets, money, etc. until you are ready to do so.
• Understand "Grief Brain" and give yourself a break!
• “Traumatic loss is perceived as a threat to survival and defaults to protective survival and defense mechanisms,” says Dr. Shulman. This response engages the fight or flight mechanism, which increases blood pressure and heart rate and releases specific hormones. Grief and loss affect the brain and body in many different ways. They can cause changes in memory, behavior, sleep, and body function, affecting the immune system as well as the heart. It can also lead to cognitive effects, such as brain fog. The brain’s goal? Survival. - American Brain Foundation

• The Hot Young Widows Club
• Widow To Widow
• It's OK That You're Not OK

General Books about Death & Loss:

• Welcome to the Grief Club
• A Friend Indeed: Help Those You Love When They Grieve
• What's Your Grief?
• Good Mourning
• F*ck Death: Hardcore Grief Recovery
• It's OK That You're Not OK
• We Are Carried
• At a Loss: How to Help a Grieving Friend

• F*ck Death: Hardcore Grief Recovery Workbook
• The Widow's Journal

• Headspace: Mindful Meditation
• Untangle Grief

• Soaring Spirits
• Modern Widows Club
• Camp Widow
• Never Alone Widows
• Grief Share through your local church
• Experience Camps (kids)
• Billys Place (Local to AZ)

• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
• Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance
• Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Admin